“Artificial sex” is sex using toys (mainly vibrators) or masturbating to internet porn.  Utilizing these resources can create a dependency on them and an inability to enjoy real intercourse:

When women use vibrators, the high-speed stimulation is so intense that no real life person can match it.  Continued and/or habitual use of vibrators can create a need to have that high-speed stimulation in order to achieve orgasm, regardless of the arousal they receive from their partner.  The same basic principle applies to men who masturbate frequently to internet porn.  After awhile the instant gratification of pornographic imagery, cybersex encounters and/or constant sexual novelty can create higher expectations that a real partner cannot match.  And especially true for men, satisfying oneself through masturbation to such images allows quick satisfaction that does not always occur with sex between two people.

Although these “artificial sex” experiences can produce a quick high and provide pleasure, the wonderful benefits of an emotional connection between two people and the special fulfillment that occurs with these connections are missing.

As a sex therapist I see more and more evidence of people having difficulty performing and enjoying one-on-one sex because of their dependency on the artificial sexual experiences they have alone.

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Frotteurism (pronounced fr-ah’-ter-iz-mm) is one of the more unusual sexual interests.

It involves a person, usually a male, touching and/or rubbing up against a non-consenting person.  This often happens in crowded situations such as watching a parade, walking around crowded amusement parks like Disney World, riding a subway, waiting for a store to open on Black Friday – any place there is a crowd of people. 

Frotteurs get away with this because they can always pretend that it was an accident – they mistakenly “bumped” into you.  Since the victim is most often a woman, she may be afraid to cause a scene or she thinks perhaps it may have been an accident.  When confronted (which is rarely) a frotteur either slinks away quietly or tries to make the woman look like she’s crazy (i.e. the frotteur would say, “What’s wrong with you lady, I just bumped into you accidently and you’re making it into a rape case?  You’re paranoid!”)

As with many areas of life, the best way to handle this is often the most difficult for people – to confront the frotteur by saying something like, “please keep your hands to yourself” or “move back, I don’t like you standing so close to me.”  This will usually be enough to get the person to move away from you.

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SEX AND SOCIAL NETWORKING
According to the 3^rd annual “Sex Survey” conducted by Shape and Men’s Fitness magazines, nearly four out of five women and three of five men say they believe texting, Facebook and other social networking tools cause new couples to jump into bed faster…

But only 38 percent of women say they have actually slept with a date any sooner because of social networking.  Here are some more interesting facts from the Sex Survey:

• Texting is the No. 1 way lovers stay in touch, the survey found, with men texting 39 percent more often than phoning and women 150 percent more.
• Even before dating, 70 percent of women and 63 percent of men use Google and other online tools to screen people.
• Sixty-five percent of those polled said they had been asked out by text and 49 percent through a Facebook message.
• Once the relationship clicks, 72 percent of women report scouring a current partner’s ex-girlfriends’ Facebook pages.
• When a call or text comes in during sex, 5 percent of respondents said they glance to see who is calling and 1 percent say they stop to answer the phone.
• When it’s over, digital dumping is the new way to break up, with 43 percent of women and 27 percent of men reporting getting a break-up text.
• 81 percent of all respondents said they wouldn’t de-friend an ex on Facebook and 75 percent admitted to constantly checking a former sweetheart’s page.

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Co-authors Ogi Ogas and Sai Gaddam analyzed a billion web searches from around the world to write their book, A Billion Wicked Thoughts.  The following are some interesting findings:

• Straight men enjoy a wider variety of erotica than imagined, including sites devoted to elderly women and transsexuals.
• According to the book, in 1991 (before the Internet) there were fewer than 90 porn magazines published in the US.  Today, more than 2.5 million porn sites are blocked by CYBERsitter.
• In 2008, approximately 100 million men in North America logged on to porn. (One-third of the subscribers to Today’s Christian Women seek out erotica online.)
• Foot fetishes aren’t a deviance; men are wired to look for small feet, which are a sign of high estrogen production – itself is a sign of fertility.
• Gay men and straight men have nearly identical brains, and their favorite body parts, in order of preference, line up exactly: chests, buttocks, and feet.
• Straight men prefer heavy women to thin ones.
• Straight women enjoy reading about and watching romances between two men — it’s not about the sex, which is downplayed, but the emotion, which is the focus. (The largest audience for “Brokeback Mountain,” says the book, was straight women.)
• Straight men have a fascination with other men’s penises, which may be conscious or unconscious.
• Men fantasize about group sex far more than women and picture more men than women in the action.
• Straight men prefer to watch amateur porn online.  
• One of the most popular and diverse areas of interest in sexuality is domination and submission, with straight women and gay men most interested in the latter role.
• Gay men enjoy straight porn in large numbers.

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Painkillers are thought to block hormones that govern men’s erections.

According to a new study by Dr. Joseph Gleason, a urologist with Kaiser Permanente in L.A., the link between impotence and pain meds remained even after ruling out age and several other diseases as possible explanations.  This new report appears in the Journal of Urology.

Researchers found that regular users of drugs like aspirin, acetaminophen (Tylenol), ibuprofen (Advil), and Celebrex were 38% more likely to have erectile dysfunction than men who didn’t take these non-steroidal anti-inflammatory painkillers.  This study involved 81,000 men between the ages of 45 to 69.

Such drugs are thought to block the hormones that govern men’s erections, which might help explain the new findings.

Overall, just shy of half said they took painkillers regularly (at least five times a week) and less than a third reported moderate or severe erectile dysfunction.

Of those who took painkillers regularly, 64 percent said they could never get an erection compared to 36 percent of men who didn’t take the drugs often.

It’s also possible that unknown factors may be at play, or that he and his colleagues didn’t succeed in weeding out the influence of other diseases entirely.

For instance, many men take a low dose of aspirin because they’re at higher risk for heart attack, which in turn means their blood vessels aren’t in top shape. And that can affect the penis as well.

Arteries in the penis are smaller than those that go to the heart, and therefore may get blocked up to several years earlier. Blood traveling through the arteries in the penis makes the penis swell and become hard.

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The word cocktail is used in sex play to describe the drinking of bodily fluids from a glass or chalice (this is NOT considered to be safe sex). 

Some examples of sexual cocktails are: 

1. A golden cocktail (glass of urine).  Urophilia (pronounced yur-oh-feel-ee-ah) is the sexual arousal from urine.The drink may be used as part of a sexual ritual where the “submissive” person drinks the urine of their “master,” or as part of a formal group dinner where everyone drinks it prior to an orgy.
2. Blood and Semen (or vaginal fluid) cocktail. It is a mixture of blood and semen (or other bodily fluids) sometimes used in a “goddess worship” sex game.  In this the “worshipper” drinks the secretions from the sex goddess to prove his devotion.
3. Enema cocktail.  It is made with the fluid (not always water) that is expelled from the rectum after an enema.  In some instances, wine is used instead of water.  The fluid is collected and poured into a cocktail glass for the partner(s) to drink.  Coprophilia (pronounced coh-pro-feel-ee-ah) is sexual arousal from feces. 

AGAIN, THESE ARE NOT CONSIDERED SAFE SEXUAL PRACTICES!

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A man who cannot ejaculate despite prolonged effort, suffers from retarded ejaculation. 

Although much less common than premature ejaculation (ejaculating too quickly), it is also a frustrating and aggravating condition.  A man with retarded ejaculation can last a long time during sex but when he wants to finally ejaculate, he cannot.  Like other ejaculation difficulties it may result in avoidance of sexual activity. 

Sometimes retarded ejaculation is due to a medical problem which necessitates a visit to a urologist.  Other times it is due to a psychological issue which a sex therapist can address.

A man with Peyronie’s Disease has a penis that is bent or curved, usually upward. 

It may also be bent down, to one side or appear erect but bent sharply down at the base.  The curvature may worsen over the first 6 to 18 months after onset.  Following that time, the curvature often does not worsen.

Unfortunately, Pain is also associated with this condition during the first 6 to 18 months after onset.  The pain may only occur at a certain time – possibly only during an erection, orgasm, or when the penis is touched when flaccid.

The cause of Peyronie’s Disease isn’t well understood, but it’s generally considered the result of a wound that doesn’t heal properly.  The wound is most likely minor trauma to the penis during sexual activity.  For example, the erect penis might be bent during sexual intercourse or sexual activity.  A wound could also be the result of an accident or sports injury.

Injury to the penis can damage the elastic tissue.  This damage can cause inflammation and damage tissue.  If an injury heals improperly, there are generally no long-term problems.

In Peyronie’s Disease, problems in the normal wound-healing process result in permanent scar tissue.  The section of the sheath with scar tissue is no long flexible.  Therefore, when the penis becomes erect, the region with the scar tissue doesn’t stretch, and the penis bends or becomes disfigured.

Minor injury to the penis doesn’t always lead to Peyronie’s Disease.  Factors that contribute to poor wound healing of the penis are:

• Heredity
• Connective tissue disorders
• Age

• Diabetes
• Tobacco use
• History of pelvic injury

Men with this disease may have difficulty or inability to have sex, trouble achieving or maintaining an erection (erectile dysfunction), anxiety or stress about sexual abilities or the appearance of their penis, and stress in the relationship with their sexual partner.

It may not be necessary for you to have treatment if the curve isn’t severe and is no longer getting worse, if you have no pain, and if you can engage in sexual activity.

Treatment for Peyronie’s Disease would be evaluated by your urologist or medical practitioner and may include penile injections or surgery.  Talking to a sexual therapist may assist in dealing with how to maintain sexual intimacy.

A psychogenic erection is an erection that happens without any physical manipulation.

This may occur if the man thinks of something sexual or sometimes it just happens on its own, especially with younger men.  As a man ages, psychogenic erections occur less and more physical manipulation is needed to get and/or keep an erection.  This is a normal effect of aging and does not mean that sex is not possible for older men. 

In fact, an older man may be able to enjoy sex more because he is able to appreciate other factors such as the sensual aspects of lovemaking, the closeness of the relationship, etc. that he may have overlooked earlier in his life.

This week I was asked what the difference is between masochism (MASS-oh-kiz-mm) and sadism (SAYD-iz-mm)?

Masochism is when a person has intense sexual fantasies, sexual urges or behaviors involving being humiliated, beaten, bound, or otherwise made to suffer.

In order to have a clinical diagnosis of masochism, the person must have had this for six months or longer and it must cause significant distress or impairment in social, occupational, or other important areas of functioning.

Someone with sadism has intense sexually arousing fantasies, sexual urges, or behaviors involving psychological or physical suffering (including humiliation).  This is sexually exciting to the person.

A clinical diagnosis of sadism involves these urges or fantasies causing marked distress or interpersonal difficulty.

S&M is a paraphilia (pair-dah-FEEL-ee-ah).  Paraphilias are the more unusual sexual interests, some of which are against the law.  Most paraphiliacs are men.  S&M is one of the more common paraphilias.