First, we have to overcome our early training that women should not be seen in those kinds of places.  It’s embarrassing, nerve wracking, and scary.  Then, when (and if) you can overcome your initial fears and do go in, you notice there are mostly (if not all) men in the store, including the clerk.

It doesn’t help that you feel that all eyes are on you as you look through the items for the right style, size, shape, color and purpose.

Well, since I’ve heard these tales of woe so often from women, I’d like to pass along the name of a company that I’ve referred women to for years.  They used to have a catalog but apparently now operate solely online.  The company is run by women, for women. 

It’s called Good Vibrations: http://www.goodvibes.com

They have everything needed to bring the most pleasure to your sex life including toys, lubricants, books, videos, and more.  And yes, your items are shipped in plain brown, discrete wrapping. 

Enjoy!

It is possible to learn to be orgasmic.

Dr. Weston says the first and most important lesson is to practice developing a balance of tension and relaxation during sexual activity. But, how can they be both tense and relaxed at the same time? Here is her two-part answer:

Part 1:

The type of tension that helps women reach orgasm is muscle tension. The majority of women learn to have their first orgasm by incorporating a fair amount of leg, abdominal, and buttock tension.

Women report that the most orgasm-inducing muscle contractions are in their lower pelvis. These are the same muscles you squeeze to stop the flow of urine midstream.

What is the connection between tensing muscle groups and having an orgasm? Arousal. Contracting (or tensing) certain muscles increases blood flow throughout the body and often to the genital area. And arousal, of course, is the road map that helps lead most women to orgasm.

Part 2:

So, where’s the relaxation part of this equation? In the brain. During sex, a woman should be focused simply on feeling the sensations of the stimulation.

Have a hard time relaxing? Dr. Weston’s suggestions is to think of a Times Square billboard in which words stream into view from the left-hand side to the right edge, and then disappear off the screen. During sex, many women find it helpful to program their own Times Square news crawl with a repetitive mantra such as “I can take as long as I want” or “This really feels great” on their mental silent radio. It keeps the brain occupied — but with a thought that will encourage sexual arousal rather than with a nervous, negative thought that might decrease arousal.

For homework, during sex, tense up your muscles and let your mind go silent. This technique takes practice, but it can work over time.

Therapy can help some women having difficulty with orgasm. For others, a medical condition or side effects from a medication may be causing the problem.

A “booty call” is a slang term for “a late night summons — often made via telephone — to arrange sexual liaisons on an ad hoc basis.”  Most college students today have at least a passing familiarity with the term, but few researchers have investigated what makes up these relationships.

This study finds that booty-call relationships are marked by less emotion than long-term partnerships but more sexual variety than one-night stands.  Booty calls mix the sexual and the emotional, but are distinct from either one-night stands or committed relationships.  

The students in this study took online surveys asking them how many times they had done certain acts during their booty call relationships. Some of these acts, like vaginal intercourse or oral sex, were sexual in nature. Others, like hand-holding or kissing, were emotional.

The team found that overall, emotional acts were less common in booty-call relationships compared with serious long-term relationships. On the other hand, sex acts were more common in booty-call relationships than in one-night stands, probably because the reoccurring nature of booty calls means more time for trying new things.

Emotional acts like kissing and hand-holding function as foreplay and act to escalate the relationship, in a very quick fashion, to sex.

Research suggests that booty-call relationships often end when one partner pushes the other for something more committed than casual sex. Avoiding conversation and leaving right after sex can prevent those emotional bonds from forming.

The study used data provided by 841 men using an anonymous computerized survey.  The study found that the boys who engaged in this kind of activity prior to 18 years old were approximately 15% more likely to insert objects into their rectums and/or urethras into adulthood.  It also increased the likelihood of them wanting to use objects in relation to their partner’s genitals and/or anus.

These results are not surprising since we know that many habits as well as likes/dislikes (including sexual ones) can have their roots in childhood.

Younger adults have far more STDs than seniors, but the rates are growing at far higher rates in older adults.

Older adults appear to ignore safe sex practices. 50-year-olds are six times less likely to use a condom than men in their 20s.

The most commonly found STD was HIV, followed by chlamydia, syphilis and gonorrhea.

The risk of contracting an STD is more than twice as high in men taking erectile dysfunction drugs compared with those who didn’t.

Men older than 40 years remain sexually active, even if they need chemical assistance to do so. Sex after age 40 years is not necessarily safe sex.

Advice?  Realize that you are at higher risk for STDs, and try to be careful like you used to be 30 years ago.

That’s what a study by DeLamater and Hyde said a decade or so ago.  They found that whether or not a woman was at home, worked 20 hours or less, 40 hours, or even 60 hours a week, work had a negligible effect on how much sex they had. 

They said the real culprit to low sexual desire was fatigue, and whether or not the woman liked her job. 

This was reprinted recently in the news but I feel the article can leave the wrong impression.

Fatigue is the number one cause of low sexual desire in women.  But to say that no matter how many hours of work you’ve done you’ll still want to have sex as long as you like your job just doesn’t make practical sense.

Long job hours and fatigue are so closely interwoven; I don’t think they can truly be separated.

There are, however, times that premature ejaculation is expected and normal.  Some of these times are:  when a man has not had sex in a while; when he starts to have intercourse with a new person; when the sexual position, location, time, etc. is new; when there is distress in the relationship.

Premature ejaculation is the easiest male sexual problem to treat.  Treatments are successful, relatively fast, and easy to do.  Men are usually very relieved to find this out and wish they had sought treatment earlier.

A good book on the subject is P.E.: How to Overcome Premature Ejaculation by Helen Singer Kaplan, available online and at bookstores locally.  However remember that treatment books can only give a general description of the problem and its treatment and is not tailored to each individual.

Premature ejaculation is the third most frequent problem men seek to fix in sex therapy.

According to NASW President James Kelly, “human rights are universal, regardless of sexual orientation.  Criminal penalties against individuals based on their sexual orientation violate basic human rights, demeans human dignity, and undermines efforts to limit the spread of HIV.”

NASW lends its support to court cases of national importance involving same sex couples.

Examples are:

• Legalizing same sex marriages in D.C.
• Legalizing same sex couples ability to legally adopt in N.C.
• Extension of hospital visitation rights to same-sex partners.  Hospitals are no longer able to deny hospital visitation on basis of race, color, religion, or sexual orientation.
• Changes in military protocol of opening an inquiry of a service member’s sexual orientation based on overheard statements or hear say.

1.  Spending increasing amounts of online time focused on sexual or romantic intrigue or involvement.

2.  Involvement in multiple romantic or sexual affairs in chat rooms, Internet or BBS.

3.  Not considering online sexual or romantic “affairs” to be a possible violation of spousal/partnership commitments.

4.  Failed attempts to cut back on frequency of online or Internet sexual and romantic involvement or interaction.

5.  Online use interferes with work (tired or late due to previous night’s use, online while at work, etc.).

6.  Online use interferes with primary relationships (e.g., minimizing or lying to partners about online activities, spending less time with family or partners).

7.  Intense engagement in collecting Internet pornography.

8.  Engaging in fantasy online acts or experiences which would be illegal if carried out (e.g., rape, child molestation).

9.  Decreased social or family interactive time due to online fantasy involvements.

10.  Being secretive or lying about amount of time spent online or type of sexual/romantic fantasy activities carried out online.

11.  Engaging with sexual or romantic partners met online, while also involved in marital or other primary relationship.

12.  Increasing complaints and concern from family or friends about the amount of time spent online.

13.  Frequently becoming angry or extremely irritable when asked to give up online involvement to engage with partners, family or friends.

14.  Primary focus of sexual or romantic life becomes increasingly related to computer activity.

Lawmakers said they did not want to be accused of wasting time addressing a rare crime when Floridians needed them to help create jobs. They also did not want to debate this subject in public meetings where children might attend.

“The whole thing just kind of collapsed, unfortunately, and so we are back to square one,” said Nan Rich, the Senate’s incoming minority leader, who has tried since 2008 to close this loophole in the law.

News reports of Floridians having sex with animals are infrequent.

“While it is not something that we think is a widespread problem, Florida ought to be able to prosecute these cases when they do happen,” said Jennifer Hobgood, Florida State Director for the Humane Society of the United States.

Florida has an animal cruelty law, which prohibits tormenting or hurting an animal.  But apparently is is not as easy to prove that the sexual act tormented the animal as it would be to say it is illegal to have sex with an animal.

The Senate passed the measure twice, but it did not earn as much as a hearing in the House until this session. The ban was tucked into an agriculture bill, which passed in the House.

But the Senate passed a different agriculture bill on the last day of the session that would have allowed some gun owners to store their guns in their vehicles in previously exempted locations. The bill also added a fertilizer provision that would make it easier for localities to approve strict ordinances. With mere hours left before the session’s close, the House refused to take up the gun and fertilizer language, effectively slaying the agriculture bill.

A separate bill that addressed only bestiality never made it to the House floor.